One Another - Ephesians
Can you think of a friendship in your life that has been the most impactful for you? What were some of the characteristics of that friendship? How did it make you feel? Safe? Known? Content? Praise God you have someone you most likely immediately thought of as a true friend, a gift. God has given us “one another” as a way of walking through this life with encouragement and support.
We’ll be digging into this idea of community and one another by studying out of Ephesians 4, so before we jump into the text a little background on the book, which is one of my absolute favorites and I am sure if we went around the room I wouldn’t be the only one. Ephesus was a major coastal city in the Roman empire in what is now modern day Turkey. There had been much warfare to gain this city for the Roman empire and it was still recovering from those violent events, as well as recovering from earthquakes, wild! It was the administrative capital for the empire in that region. So a lot going on. A lot of different kinds of people and the Gospel had taken root and a church existed that needed reminders of the goodness and truth of the Gospel, which is the focus of the first half of Ephesians, and how to live that Gospel out, which is the focus of the second half of the book. Don’t we still need those reminders and encouragements today? Maybe that’s why it's a fan favorite. Ephesians offers some sweet exhortations and encouragement specifically about community or “one anothering.” Let's dive into Ephesians 4 together and see the good Word God has for us in this letter.
Ephesians 4
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. 7 But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. 8 Therefore it says, “When he ascended on high he led a host of captives, and he gave gifts to men.” 9 (In saying, “He ascended,” what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower regions, the earth? 10 He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.) 11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
The New Life
17 Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that is not the way you learned Christ!— 21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Thank God that He has given us community. It is a gift we deeply need. My prayer is you and I would understand God’s words and that it impacts our hearts as God shapes us to look more like His Son. We need Him.
I’ll jump around a bit in chapter four and discuss three main ideas.
What should Godly community and friendship NOT look like?
What SHOULD Godly community and friendship look like?
Give grace and speak His words to “one another.”
So first,
What should Godly community and friendship NOT look like? (17-31)
Verse 17-31 show things our “old selves” used to do that we are to PUT OFF. We have been made new and the newness of who we are in Christ doesn’t mesh with those old ways. Take a moment and skim through Chapter 4:17-31 and pick out some of our old ways that we are supposed to put off.
The New Life
17 Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that is not the way you learned Christ!— 21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
There is junk in our hearts and in our actions we are supposed to throw away and get rid of, right? Not in line with the Gospel and looking like Jesus. We are going to hone in verses 24-31. A lot to unpack here in a list of not so nice things. We see we are called to unlearn the patterns of the broken relationships that are modeled for us in the world, but also break those patterns that WE ourselves used to walk in or are still walking in. We shouldn’t speak falsehood, slander or gossip which we see in verse 25 and again in verse 31. We are called to not let corrupting and destructive talk come out of our mouths. Verse 26 says we can be angry but in that anger don’t sin. People are broken, relationships will get messy, we WILL be angry or hurt by each other. Do I allow that to cause me to as, verse 29 and 31 discuss, to feel bitter and talk badly about the people I am in relationship with. What about you? Do you catch yourself bad mouthing another brother or sister in Christ? We should NOT let bitterness take root in our heart, because then bitterness will come out of our mouths and bitterness is a poison in a relationship and in our hearts.
I can think of a lot of examples in my own life where I have let bitterness seep into my friendships. Especially right after college when I was still used to 2 hours of free time in the middle of the day to have a heart to heart with my friends and cry in Fusion Brew (a local favorite coffee shop), I had to learn fair expectations when I started working a full time job and so did my gal pals or like when my friends started to have kids and their capacities changed and mine didn’t. In lots of different friendship moments I would expect people to react or do things the way I would without having grace for them being different people than me experiencing different seasons. It was a lot of growing pains and tears. I needed to realize they didn’t hate me. We had to figure out how to be intentional, catch each other when we could or some relationships just faded. Sometimes friendships go through seasons and it can be painful, but it is normal in the ebb and flow of life. But man, when I let bitterness reign in my heart it was so easy to talk negatively about them or about my worth to other friends, to my husband, or I would create stories in my own head that put myself or them in a bad light. If I am honest, some of my biggest hurts and greatest joys have come from friendships. They are beautiful and hard work.
We are the family of God must strive to believe the best in one another, pray for the GOOD of each other and our relationships, stop the negative talk both that we do out loud and in our head, if we have a problem with someone or are hurt by someone, friends, we don’t sit in it and let bitterness take root. Even if it’s hard, awkward, or uncomfortable, we strive to resolve conflict with the source of the conflict. Friendships aren’t perfect, they are messy, they change and grow or sometimes fade, but they are worth it and we are called to be in community with messy sinful people. We must put on the “new self” and love like the Gospel compels and empowers us to. Which lead us to our second point:
What SHOULD Godly community and friendship look like? (1-16 and verse 25 & 29)
Quickly skim verses 1-6 & 15-16 and verse 25 & 29 pick out what SHOULD Godly friendship and community look like?
Ephesians 4:1-6
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
Ephesians 1:15-16
15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
And our two tag on verses Ephesians 4:25 and Ephesians 4:29:
25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
In these sections we see we are to live in a “manner worthy of the calling.” How do we do that with one another? How do we walk in a relationship that reflects our calling? With ALL humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another IN LOVE. So so good. I don’t know about you, but I need humility and gentleness, patience and bearing with one another to be fostered in my heart. I can be quick to put back on that “old self” and be quick to speak my opinions or get angry in unhelpful, sinful ways in relationships. I notice when someone is humble and gentle, patient and loving that I am DRAWN to them, because it's beautiful and looks like Jesus. When we interact in these ways we interact like Jesus did. How do you do this in your friendships? Are you patient? Do you lead with humility? Or are you just thinking of your response and what crazy wise advice you have for them to the point that you don’t even truly listen to them and bear with them in love as you sit with them in the good, bad, and ugly in their lives? I know I have been guilty of this. How would it make a friend feel if I truly listened with humility, gentleness, and patience?
Reading through that passage another big theme should have jumped out to you about Christian community and friendship is that it should have A LOT of unity. Look at verses 3-6:
3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
This doesn’t mean you will always perfectly agree on everything. You might have different political opinions, parenting beliefs, communication styles, whether Taylor Swift is the greatest artist to ever live, etc. It does mean that when you rub against those differences or discuss those differences you will interact as Jesus does with humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another (even if you disagree) in love. Why? Because you have something IN COMMON that supersedes those differences. We are called to “maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” because of our common belief in “one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” This is not easy and I am not talking about toxic or abusive relationships here. I am talking about the things that aren’t eternally significant, simply a different perspective. It is ok to disagree. It is ok to think differently from one another, have discussion explaining why we think what we do, lovingly challenging one another, but it shouldn’t come from a place of superiority or be belittling or malicious.
We have seen the should NOTs of christian community and the SHOULDs. Let’s take a look more closely at this phrase “one another” we have heard a couple times this morning. To be honest, I wanted to do a whole separate talk just on this phrase “one another,” because it’s so good but I just pulled out some nuggets chapter 4 gives us related to it. Point 3:
Give grace and speak His words to “one another.”
In his article “The Art of One-Anothering: How the Church Loves Like Christ,” Scott Hubbard does a beautiful and compelling survey of this phrase we see used about 50 times in the New Testament, “one another.” We are called to do, feel, or say something to “one another.” If it is used that often it is important. I want to focus in on two ways we are supposed to practice the art of “One-anothering” that Hubbard puts forward in his article:
Give Grace
Speak His words
These are two more quick examples of what we should be doing and seeing in godly friendship and community for us to chew on and ask the Lord to help us apply in our lives.
Give Grace
We see extending grace clearly laid out in how we are to relate to one another in Ephesians 4:2, “Bearing with one another in love.” and Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Do you strive to rely on Jesus to extend the same grace you have been given or do you withhold, allowing bitterness, grudge holding, or pettiness easily mar your relationships? How can we as a community of women, who love the Lord, give grace in our relationships? Where have you experienced or excelled in this? Where do you need to grow in this?
Speak His words
We see this in Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” We should have mouths that readily give words that build up and give grace, encouragement, and truth to those that need to hear it. A few other places we see this charge given to believers:
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom (Colossians 3:16),
Encourage one another and build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11),
Exhort one another every day (Hebrews 3:13),
Do we know the word of God well enough to speak it back to discouraged brothers and sisters in Christ? Has the word imbued our hearts to the point that Gospel truths easily flow off our lips when others need to be pointed back to Jesus? I love what Scott Hubbard says about this idea, “Christians are a word people, a speaking people. Brought to life ourselves by “the living and abiding word of God” (1 Peter 1:23), we now seek to bring that life to others through our Word-shaped words. And we employ the whole range of our tones and vocal cords to do so: we not only speak, but teach, instruct, admonish, encourage, exhort, comfort, honor, stir up, and even sing. Whether pastors or not, we all are stewards of God’s life-giving word; we all have something to say.” How have you benefited from friendships, small groups, or mentors who lovingly spoke the word to you to do just what Hubbard describes? Are you quick to Speak His Words or your own opinions and advice?
The only way we have beautifully fulfilling and encouraging friendships and community is by looking to one who holds us all together:
“15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” (Ephesians 4:15-16)
Think back to that friendship you thought about at the beginning of our time together, the one that was or continues to be life giving and encouraging. How can you foster more friendships like that in your life? How can YOU be that kind of friend? We get to love and be loved by one another and the world will notice this “new self,” Jesus kind of love. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35)
Grace & peace to you,
Cora Colon